Couples Therapy in Santa Monica
Somatic and attachment-focused therapy for couples who care deeply but keep missing each other. In person in Santa Monica and online across California.
When Connection Keeps Missing
You're not here because you don't love each other. You're here because something that used to work doesn't anymore.
The same argument keeps circling back. One of you pursues, the other withdraws. Or both escalate, then go quiet for days. Small moments turn into big distance. Trust feels thinner than it used to. Intimacy has gone flat or tense.
Many couples keep moving while feeling unseen or alone. With full calendars and real responsibilities, it's easy to postpone the hard conversations until resentment has already built.
These patterns make sense. They're not signs that you've failed. They're what happens when old attachment wounds get triggered, when automatic reactions take over, when neither person feels safe enough to stay open. The problem isn't that you don't care. It's that you're both protecting yourselves in ways that push the other person away.
A Different Approach to Couples Therapy
Most couples therapy focuses on communication skills. That matters, but it's often not enough. If you’re in fight-or-flight, no script will help you stay present.
This work is somatic and attachment-focused. We slow down enough to notice what's happening underneath the words: the tightening in your chest when you feel dismissed, the shutdown when conflict escalates, the longing that comes out as criticism. We work with what your bodies are communicating, not just your narratives.
I completed the full three-year Somatic Experiencing certificate program and continue to study with Dr. Peter Levine. That training shapes how I work with couples: carefully, at a pace that lets both partners stay present, with attention to what the body is saying even when words fail.
Sessions are 75 minutes. That length is intentional. It gives us time to slow the pattern, work with what's happening in real time, and practice repair without rushing.
Why Somatic and Attachment-Focused Therapy?
Your earliest relationships shaped how you experience safety, connection, and love. Those patterns don't disappear in adulthood. They show up in how you respond to closeness, conflict, and stress with your partner.
When you were young, you learned whether your needs would be met. Whether it was safe to reach for comfort. Whether closeness meant connection or intrusion. Whether conflict meant abandonment. These lessons got encoded before you had words for them.
As an adult, those early patterns become automatic. When your partner seems distant, maybe you flood with anxiety and reach harder. Or maybe you go quiet and manage alone. When conflict surfaces, maybe you shut down to avoid the fight. Or maybe you escalate to be heard. These aren't conscious choices. They're the body's attempt to stay safe based on what it learned long ago.
Attachment researchers describe this as working models of relationship. If closeness felt dangerous or unreliable early on, you may still brace for that outcome even when your partner is trying to reach for you. If protest or pursuit didn't work as a child, you may have learned to minimize needs and manage alone.
In couples, these patterns collide. One person pursues connection when anxious. The other withdraws to regulate. The pursuit feels overwhelming to the withdrawer. The withdrawal feels like abandonment to the pursuer. Both are trying to stay safe. Neither feels understood. The cycle tightens.
This approach works by creating enough safety that both partners can stay present, even during conflict. We tune into the feelings and needs underneath the words, not just the words themselves. Over time, that makes space for healing old wounds, rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy, and developing the kind of trust and resilience that holds through life's harder seasons.
How Nervous Systems Affect Each Other
One partner's activation affects the other. When you're escalating, your partner reads threat and responds in kind: fight back, shut down, or leave. When you're withdrawn, your partner may panic and pursue harder, or give up and go numb.
This is co-regulation in action. You're in constant conversation, even when you're not speaking. One person calming down can help the other settle. One person flooding can pull the other into overwhelm.
In session, we work with this directly. When the pattern starts to loop, we slow it down. We notice what's happening in each person's body. We help you understand what you're doing and why. And we practice staying present with each other instead of defaulting to the automatic response.
With time, you learn to catch the moment earlier. You start to recognize when you're reacting to an old wound instead of what's actually happening now. You build capacity to stay open even when it's uncomfortable. And you create new patterns that support connection instead of distance.
What Changes
Couples often describe it as finally feeling heard. The cycles don't disappear overnight, but they lose their grip. You start to catch the moment before it spirals. Repair becomes possible. Hard conversations feel less dangerous.
With time and effort, there's more room for the relationship you actually want: more ease, more honesty, more willingness to reach for each other instead of pulling away.
Who This Work Helps
This work tends to resonate with couples who are still committed but feel trapped in patterns they can't seem to break. Often both partners are successful in their careers and capable in other areas of life, but something in the relationship keeps misfiring.
Most couples who find their way here have tried talking it through on their own. They're looking for something that goes deeper than communication tips.
Questions You Might Have
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That's common. Often one partner initiates. If you're both willing to show up and try, that's enough to start.
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No. I don't take sides. My job is to interrupt the patterns that keep you looping and help you both feel understood.
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Yes. I see couples in person in Santa Monica and online for California residents.
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It depends on what we’re working with. Some couples come for a few months to address a specific issue. Others stay longer to rebuild trust or work through deeper attachment wounds. We'll check in regularly on what's shifting.
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Sometimes they are. But often what feels unfixable is a pattern that's been running on autopilot for years. With support, many couples find more room than they expected.
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That's not uncommon. Some couples have had experiences where therapy felt like paying someone to watch them fight, without much shifting afterward. This work is different. We interrupt the cycle in real time, slow it down, and help you both understand what's driving it. The goal isn't to referee. It's to help you stop needing one.
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Crisis isn't the ideal starting point. Couples who come in after one bad fight looking to prove who was right aren't the best fit for this work. The couples I work with best are those who recognize a pattern they want to change and are willing to look at their own part in it.
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Not always, but often. Couples work brings up individual attachment wounds that benefit from dedicated support. When one partner has a therapist and the other doesn't, there's an imbalance in how much each person can process between sessions. I often recommend both partners have individual therapy alongside our work. If there's a significant power differential in the relationship, I may require individual work before we begin. This is a real investment of time and money, and I'm direct about that upfront. But for many couples, it's what actually moves the needle.
Location & Access
In person in Santa Monica and online for California residents.
Contact
Phone: (310) 377-8798
Ready to Begin?
If something here resonates, I'd be glad to hear from you.